I feel so disorientated about life and how things are panning out. Yet, I am enjoying the ride of the various possibilities and chances that can happen.

As they say, you need to be able to work well with ambiguities. I think my life has been an ambiguity since the start.

Most things that happen to me just happened as it came along.

I never thought I was really a go-getter kind of person untill quite recently. I realized that I am my own worst critic (which can be both my worst enemy and best friend) and I have this innate competition streak that makes me push the bar further. I do admit that the past few weeks I have been letting my guard down, missing the early morning rises, not doing enough reading, and missing my gym time.

Still, I just can’t finger what are my strenghts and where / how I can put these strenghts to good use.

It does get frustrating for the most bit because I don’t feel settled. I have always been a generalist, the guy sitting on the fence alone.

I took Biotechnology, a touch and go, generalized degree. Ended up here in a Bank, doing something general and still not knowing where I stand.

Perhaps I work best being a poet or musician, since my best forms of writing comes when I am depressed. Being Leonard Cohen like figure. That would be appealing. No? Sans the zero increament and constant need to go on depression bouts and having LSD’s to gain inspiration.

Speaking of Leonard Cohen, here’s a poem written by him, A Thousand Kisses Deep. Simply beautiful piece. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

<u><b>A Thousand Kisses Deep</b></u>

<i>Don’t matter if the road is long
Don’t matter if it’s steep
Don’t matter if the moon is gone
And the darkness is complete
Don’t matter if we lose our way
It’s written that we’ll meet
At least, that’s what I heard you say
A thousand kisses deep

I loved you when you opened
Like a lily to the heat
You see, I’m just another snowman
Standing in the rain and sleet
Who loved you with his frozen love
His second hand physique
With all he is and all he was
A thousand kisses deep

I know you had to lie to me
I know you had to cheat
You learned it on your father’s knee
And at your mother’s feet
But did you have to fight your way
Across the burning street
When all our vital interests lay
A thousand kisses deep

I’m turning tricks
I’m getting fixed
I’m back on boogie street
I’d like to quit the business
But I’m in it, so to speak
The thought of you is peaceful
And the file on you complete
Except what I forgot to do
A thousand kisses deep

Don’t matter if you’re rich and strong
Don’t matter if you’re weak
Don’t matter if you write a song
The nightingales repeat
Don’t matter if it’s nine to five
Or timeless and unique
You ditch your life to stay alive
A thousand kisses deep

The ponies run
The girls are young
The odds are there to beat
You win a while, and then it’s done
Your little winning streak
And summon now to deal with your invincible defeat
You live your life as if it’s real
A thousand kisses deep

I hear their voices in the wine
That sometimes did me seek
The band is playing Auld Lang Syne
But the heart will not retreat
There’s no forsaking what you love
No existential leap
As witnessed here in time and blood
A thousand kisses deep</i>